Recovering From Infidelity and Moving Beyond the Self-Defeating Thoughts

If you’ve been injured by an affair, then you maybe experiencing a crisis of self-confidence.  It’s a real challenge to work on saving your marriage and recovering from infidelity when you are plagued by self-doubts and low self-esteem. Before the affair, you might have been moving through your life, accomplishing your goals, with your marriage serving as a comfortable, secure backdrop and foundation. Now everything you believed in has being shaken to the core, and with it, your self-esteem.

After learning of the affair, you may be wrestling to overcome a profusion of complex feelings and thoughts, both on a personal level and in regard to saving your marriage.  Trying to repair a damaged marriage amidst this inner turmoil of self-doubts can be quite a challenging task.  You're trying to heal yourself, heal your marriage and all the while trying to keep up with your other day to day responsibilities. This is a lot for you to take on all at once since there’s only so much of you to go around.

Since your self-esteem is an essential, crucial component of saving your marriage and recovering from infidelity, you need to take some time for yourself and work on rebuilding it. Before you can even commit to saving your relationship, you first need to salvaging your self-confidence and build a stronger relationship with yourself. Your first and foremost priority is to heal yourself. No one can repair your damaged self-confidence for you, only you can do that.

Conduct an honest self-evaluation. Ask yourself the hard questions. It's a good idea to write down what you’re asking, and what your answers are to your own questions. Next, analyze the information so you can understand what it is you are experiencing. After doing this, you will most likely understand more of your own motivations for tearing yourself apart.

Once you've defined your crisis of self-confidence, your job is to argue with yourself against the negative self-defeating thoughts and feelings that you are experiencing. One thing you don't want to do is to stay mired in self-defeating thinking. It accomplishes nothing and would only serve to hinder you from recovering from infidelity and healing yourself.


You can move past all this pain and devastation and rebuild a better-than-ever marriage with your spouse.